Relationships

Why Men Love Bitches – 8 Rules Every Girl Should Know

I wish I could say I was one of those girls that was good at dating. Truth is, growing up I was pretty much the opposite – a nice girl that usually felt taken advantage of, felt a lot of resentment about it, and unfortunately let it also dictate my own self esteem. I would always try and act cool as a cucumber when dating a guy, but deep down it bothered me when ‘he’ didn’t call, was late or couldn’t keep a solid plan. To rub salt in the wound, for Christmas one year my brother, knowing I was awful at dating, gifted me a daily He’s Just Not That into You tear calendar – gee thanks bro! I’m pretty sure, unless you are a master at dating or are with the first person you’ve ever dated, know what I’m talking about.

I think from a young age girls are conditioned to want to find love. They are taught through fairy tales and stories that as long as they are a nice girl, someone will show up to sweep them off their feet, put them on a pedestal, and shower them with unconditional love. No one ever tells you that if you want love, you have to respect yourself FIRST.

This is where Why Men Love Bitches comes in. One afternoon while I was over at a girlfriend’s house I had noticed a copy of the book on her night stand. Seeing that it caught my eye, she immediately recommended the book to me and even offered up her copy which she had just finished. Not one to usually have interest in reading ‘self help’ books, there was something definitely provocative about the title that made me think, ‘it couldn’t hurt’.

Once I started reading, it became apparent to me that this was no ordinary dating book. In fact, it was more of a dating bible or holy grail that I think every young woman should read before they start dating. Having wished that I had come across this book way earlier – here are 8 simple rules I learned from reading Why Men Love Bitches – tactics I definitely encourage you to adopt.

1. Overcompensation and being ‘too eager’ will take you from dream girl to doormat.

If you like a guy and you want him to respect you – don’t be a nice girl. Do not make yourself readily available or jump at the opportunity to hang out whenever he calls. Have a life, continue to make your plans and force yourself to play the ‘cat and mouse’ game that us nice girls don’t normally want to play when we like someone. Instinctively, guys are hunters, so give them the chase of their lives. Men are so used to meeting women that obviously want to be in committed relationships, that if you show them you don’t need them, not only will they treat you better but they will appreciate the time you do give them more.

2. Set terms and conditions for yourself.

It is absolutely vital when you start dating someone that you let them know your time is precious. If they don’t make plans with you, well then, you aren’t seeing them. If they call you out of the blue and ask you to hang, say no! I don’t care if you’re sitting on your butt twiddling your thumbs, establishing your terms takes force. If you want him to make plans instead of having to wait by the phone until he calls, you better set your terms and conditions straight at the beginning. If you have had a long day at work – don’t go hang out with him, tell him you need ‘me’ time. His head will literally spin like a top thinking you would rather be alone than hanging out with him. If he is not good company, talks only about himself, or acts rude to you or anyone else in any way – leave immediately. You have to make it abundantly clear what you will and won’t tolerate including him being rude, self-centred or misogynistic.

3. Sass is sexy.

When guys talk to one another they often tease and make fun of each other. Being able to banter and give a little sass back shows him you can hold your own and won’t take crap from him. Not only will it make you seem more self-confident but it will show him that you can stand on your own two feet.

4. If you act like you’re capable of doing everything, you get stuck doing everything.

At the beginning, men are always so accommodating. They are trying to impress you and therefore will be helpful at first, but if you start giving more than you receive, he will expect you to continue, meanwhile doing less. A simple example of this is if a guy expects you to drive to go see him all the time. If you feel like he is starting to put in less effort, pull back. Do less. You need to be open to receiving, in order to get what you want. If he asks you to drive to his house and you think it’s about time he makes an effort to come see you, offer to see him another night when it better suits him. Don’t act upset, just don’t give in to his requests. The same goes for cooking dinner or doing their laundry – once you start they are going to expect you to do it, appreciating it less each time. This is why it’s important to make sure you help him form good habits at the beginning. Even if you are capable of tightening a screw or changing a lightbulb, make him do it. Never start doing things you don’t want to get stuck doing.

5. Actions speak louder than words.

A wolf in sheep’s clothing will make themselves known quickly through their actions. Some men are just takers, abusers and manipulators. They will talk and tell you everything you want to hear, but they are really only there to get what they want and bounce. Paying attention to a guys actions more than his words will help you pick out the pricks from the princes.

6. A bitch moves to the rhythm of her own drum.

When dating someone new, it can often be exciting and fun to hang out with them, but having your own interests and life is important. That is why you need to make it abundantly clear to them (through actions not just words!) that you have a life with goals and ambition outside of dating them. By letting them know you have goals and ambitions that you are working on, and only have time to hang with them when you are free, makes your time appear more precious and stops you from depending on them to give you fulfillment… and we all know a quick way to be taken off a pedestal is to become dependent on someone else for fulfillment. This obviously does take a lot of self control but at the end of the day you won’t EVER resent putting yourself first.

7. Less is more.

Expressing your feelings when you feel taken for granted never works. Men are very skilled at turning women out when they ‘nag’. When you feel like you’re being taken for granted, the best thing to do is to back away. If you want to feel respected in a relationship, show them what they could lose. Men are used to dealing with emotional women (like their mothers or sisters) who forgive them even if they yell at them for taking them for granted. You have to let him know that this won’t be the case with you and give him the cold shoulder.

8. If you want to be treated well you have to encourage it.

When dating someone, it is important to show them appreciation for their good deeds. Guys, just like girls can feel taken for granted. When you like someone, we all know that at the end of the day if you don’t feel like your partner appreciates a nice gesture you did for them, it feels like a waste. That is why, even when someone does something for you, whether big or small, you should always show appreciation. If he picks up the bill for dinner, even if it’s at McDonalds, say thank you. If you want him to continue to do nice things for you – you have to show your appreciation and encourage it.

Although this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to lessons to be learned in Why Men Love Bitches, it is definitely a good start. There is no reason why anyone after reading this book should be bad at dating. If you suffer from low self-esteem, bad dating habits or feel resentment because you never get treated the way you want, I encourage you to try some of these tactics for yourself.

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